Sorry! I am a terrible blogger. I think the only time I was very consistent was the three months I was on maternity leave...and for a little while after that. Anywho, for awhile I thought I should change the title of my blog to "The Angry Mom Blog" b/c it seemed like I only complained in my blog posts. Now I'm thinking it should be called "The Crisis Blog" or something b/c it's like, I only think to blog when I feel sort of beaten up! Wanted to dedicate this blog post to toddlerhood. Specifically, "The Terrible 2's"
The fact is, my son is only 21 months. I know he isn't in "The Terrible 2"s yet. I know I haven't seen anything yet! But...that is very scarey. Because I FEEL like I've seen it all! And sometimes, I am not sure if I should laugh or cry. Let's revisit last night. I don't know why what comes into my mind while I type this is "The Ghost of Christmas Past" taking us on a trip to "LAST NIGHT!!!!" (shudder)
I got to daycare by 4 and picked him up. What happens first is, and this is pretty much a daily occurance, is, he wants to DRIVE the car, not sit in his carseat. So he'll go to every door but his door saying "drive. drive. drive. drive." Even when I finally pick him up and put him in carseat he is going, "ehhhh!!! drive. drive. drive. drive. ehhhh!!!" reaching for front seat. I just keep saying, "Jack, I know! You want to drive!!! But you're too small to drive...mama is going to drive today!" So we get past that. Get home and when we pull onto our street its "ma mow. ma mow. ma mow" That means lawn mower. I tried to say, "Jack its raining and cold today, lets go inside." but it didn't work and he loves being outside so I was like whatever. So he grabs his lawn mower from by the front door and we start a walk. If you go this way, he points and says "that way"...if you start walking with him "that way" he points to the street and says "street!" (he wants to walk in the street.) If I let him walk next to me in the street (ours...on a culdesac so very quiet)...he'll point and say "that way!" and want back to side walk. Its constant zig zag. Anyway, yesterday I insisted he wear a hat since it was raining and cold. Terrible 2's...I think they like to see how much control they have. He kept taking it off so I stuck my foot in front of his lawn mower and said, "Jack, if you want to walk outside, you have to wear the hat to keep your head warm"...well he started ramming me (in the rain), with his lawn mower, screaming, pushing, etc etc. Of course there is this old lady strolling by us at this moment when I am crouched in front of him trying to get him to stop screaming and listen to me that all he has to do is wear a hat. Anyway I just picked him (he is screaming), pick up his lawn mower, and walk to the house. At this moment, my sister in law pulls up next to us to give something she is lending me. Of course, he turns on a very happy face immediately. Anyway, Jack and I finally get inside, husband was working from home so I'm like, John, can you give him a bath tonight (I'm trying to get John to do more of that stuff so its not a total shock when baby comes and I can't do it sometimes)? John is like sure. Jack and I are in living room playing with cars which goes like this. Jack plays by himself for about 60 seconds. He realizes all the attention is not on him and says, "Mamaaaa" Kind of with the same tone you would say, "Silllyyyy...what are you thinking!" and puts a car in my hand. I play with him for a minute which involves just running the car all over the table. I put the car down and watch him play and he realizes I have put my car down so he circles around, picks up the car, "Mammaaaaa" and puts it back in my hand. He does something to sort of hurt his hand but not really, can't remember what...and starts crying (but not really) saying "Kick it. Kick it" That means, "kiss it." So I kiss it (I love doing this) and he says, "It's better."' and continues playing. 20 seconds later, Jack starts saying "TV. TV. TV. TV. TV. Elmo. Elmo. Elmo" So we go down and watch some Elmo. And NO I don't let him watch TV very often and YES I know they are not supposed to watch TV until they're two. We typically watch about 20 minutes per day. While we're watching TV, John fixes dinner for us, we go upstairs, sit at table (Jack won't eat...he only will eat one yogurt each night before bed)...done with dinner, John goes to give him a bath. Jack kicks and screams (literally) the entire two minute bath because he wants me to do it. Screams and kicks and stomps and throws himself on floor while John is trying to put his diaper and pajamas on. We go right upstairs for books, its only about 5:40. We're all laying on the bed and we take out one of his favorite books "Where the Wild Things Are". Jack is laying on my lap and John next to us. John opens the book up to start reading and Jack TEARS it out of his hands and shoves it into my face to read. Repeat this...three times. He only wants me to read it and is throwing a LOUD tantrum through the whole process of him trying to force ME to read. So I finally get up to put him to bed. It's only about 5:45! If I would have a.) let him walk where he wanted without a hat outside b.) given him a bath instead of John and c.) read him books instead of John being the reader the night would have been fine...but I get sick of him calling ALL the shots. AGH! He isn't usually that intense but when he is tired he is and he has been so tired. So at 5:45 I went into his room with him and sat on the rocker and cuddled with him. He would calm down and be almost sleeping then work himself up again and start crying, calm down, start crying, calm down...finally I put him in his crib and he cried for like 10 minutes off and on then went to sleep til almost 6 am.
I go downstairs, plop on recliner, and start crying. Wahhhh!!!! Feel sad that I spent a total of 1 hour, 45 miserable minutes with my son while relieved he is sleeping for the night. Wonder if I'm a bad mother for working full time when I see how exhausted he is at the end of each day. Regardless, think I need to start setting better and more consistent limits.
In other news for anyone reading the blog, I am about 26 weeks pregnant, due Feb 28th, with a GIRL! Crossing my fingers for one of those babies who are laid back and sleep a lot. I used to look at those babies and think, they must not be very smart. You have to say that to yourself when your own child never sleeps and is grumpy and uber-intense all the time. Maybe you don't HAVE to say that but I really did. But I'd be happy for a boring baby to balance out my totally wild and exciting one! Jack's birthday is Feb 23rd. Jack arrived 10 days early so I'm anticipating this baby to come on or around Jack's birthday. John and I are going through a really great class at church which I am always thinking about so I will have to start blogging some about those thoughts too. Two of the classes that really got me thinking were on Alienation and Reconciliation, specifically related to families in Genesis, but of course, how can you NOT compare to your own family?