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Saturday, September 5, 2009

Liked this...

I'm reading a book for book club called "Time of My Life" by Allison Winn Scotch. I came across an excerpt and it really struck me...because it happens so often! I am not even sure if there is anything we can do to prevent this...such is life. What do you think?...

"Meg got lost in the shuffle. Lost in the innocuous way that happens when life simply piles up. You grab a friend on her cell phone for two minutes, then promise to call each other back later, but later becomes tomorrow, and tomorrow ebbs into a week, and before you've even realized it, a month has flown by, and you've disengaged yourself from each other's worlds. Which doesn't mean that you don't adore each other, and certainly doesn't mean that when you do cach up that you don't pour out all of the missing details. You do. But for that month or those weeks, you're blind in the nuances that change a person over the course of time, that stack up like dominoes until she's a different person entirely."

P.S. I have edited my last post.

Monday, August 17, 2009


Over the past couple of days I've been pondering my relationship with God.

Like any of the relationships we have with anyone (friends, spouses, co-workers, etc)...we go through our ups and downs. At least, I do!

Last night, at my weekly Bible study with the young adult women at my church, we discussed running with Christ in freedom---specifically related to anxiety...this is an area that a lot of us tend to struggle with!

The study emphasized how Christ wants us to come to him, cast allllll of our anxieties on him and to worry about today only. One of the passages we read was Matthew 6:25-34. Let me type if out for you...

Do Not Worry

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

It seems to always come back to this for me. I do tend to be an anxious person. Of course, I would absolutely LOVE to cast my anxieties on the Lord! I would love to not worry about my life, what I will wear...and I intellectually can understand how much God must love ME considering how much He even cares for the tiny little birds (even the ones that get up right close to me when I eat outside and scare me) and how he has so beautifully designed the flowers...but it is a harder concept to grasp in my heart. I also know that God wants us to go to him with all of our troubles and concerns...we see this often in the Psalms...check out Psalm 6 ( I love reading the reminds me we are not alone in our troubles.

But whenever I read these passages, I wonder what keeps me from really grasping the love of God? How can I not only know it in my head, but feel it in my heart as well? Maybe its impossible for us to really comprehend how much each of us are loved by God? I came across this quote which I liked...and I'd like to really "feel it" one of these days.

"Let us feel that He has His heart set upon us, that He is watching us from those heavens with tender interest, that He is following us day by day as a mother follows her babe in his first attempt to walk alone, that He has set His love upon us,... and in spite of ourselves is working out for us His highest will and blessing, as far as we will let Him ---and then nothing can discourage us." -A.B. Simpson, Closer Walk

How awesome!

What are your thoughts on this? I'd love to hear your feedback.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009


My sinuses are killing me!!!!!!!!!!!! AGH!!!!!!! Any suggestions for air purifiers?

Monday, August 10, 2009

At work...


I started my new job on July 20th. So far, I'm bored. It's very slow for me right now. I believe things will begin picking up soon and I can't wait! While the boredom gets to me, there are some things I love already. First of all, I love being able to leave at 4:30, every day. I catch the train home and am in my house by about 5:05 pm. It's fantastic. I do not have to give another thought to work until the next morning, when I catch the 7:21 am train to work. Secondly, I like the people. There are other things I like but for now I'll leave it at that. Since I'm pregnant, one thing bothering me is my exhaustion. Typically, I'm very social and love talking with people, getting to know people, etc...but...I'm so tired I have so little I feel kind of behind in this department and I dont like that.

A few things have been on my mind lately...little things but I will write about them.

1. Why are people afraid to aknowledge that they may have a problem? Why the fear? Do you know the type? He/She will complain on end about something or someone that really bothers them. I mean, really bothers them! They feel taken advantage of, abused, neglected, walked on, is something that consumes a lot of their mental energy...yet, when you pose a question such as, "When did this become a problem?" They'll say, "Oh it's not a problem." But that makes no sense to me. You just finished (and probably not for the first time) telling me how you feel taken advantage of, or neglected, or abused, or whatever...but you won't classify this as a problem. Meaning---you will NEVER resolve this issue and you will continue to whine endlessly about it forever and ever. Whining is very unattractive by the way. Not saying I don't whine but still! I'm not ashamed of having problems, and if you're my friend, you probably hear about them constantly! At the same time, I'm the first one to go to a counselor and/or make some hard changes. As I write this, I consider the possibility that those who know me may be reading this thinking...YOU have PROBLEMS!!! I am sure I have many problems I don't even know about yet...I'm mainly talking about the problems we know about. And I guess my big point here's almost offensive to me when I realize a person is afraid to admit they may have a matter how big or small. Who are you that has no problems? Who are you that has nothing to work on? I see life as exciting, challenging, always changing...we have opportunities to improve every day...but are we taking those opportunities? Or are we okay with living a mediocre life...complaining about the same things...being the victim with no control...and having things always stay the same? And one more disclaimer...I do know that many of us have periods in life where things are really fantastic and we can't think of many complaints! And that's great! I'm writing just for those moments in life when we know there could be something that needs work.

2. Day care costs...ugh!!!

3. Telling my employer the news...what will their reaction be? Will they be upset I only started in July? Will they see me as a bad employee? I was not pregnant when I interviewed with them, received the offer letter, etc...but the background check took almost three months and a lot can happen in three months!

4. When will I have my energy back?

5. I wish I could publicize my blog to friends but am not comfortable with people seeing my innermost thoughts...yet :)

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

First Post! WOW!

My name is Lauren and this is my blog. It would be nice if I could write an interesting introduction of myself but I won't! I'll just dive right on in.

I think I'm pregnant! eee! I had a miscarriage last October so I am feeling skeptical. Last time around, I had a sense something wasn't right...sure enough, it wasn't. This time, I do feel better about it. I am CRAZY up and down, extremely tired (although, am I making that up?), among other symptoms...if this actually works, I am very early on...about 4-5 weeks. I made an appointment with a new OB/GYN whose name I got from a friend. My last doctor shut down their Fairfax office and I'm not driving out to Reston! They want to see me when I am 8-9 weeks so the appointment is set for July 16th. I think at that point, if I'm still pregnant, I'll feel more confident. I'm starting to brainstorm baby names and what will we do about storage! agh! I am not very good at keeping secrets so don't plan to really keep this a secret until I am through my 1st the same time, I definitely won't tell my employer (for as long as possible actually), and won't shout it from the mountain tops just yet. But I'll post it on this blog! HAHA! I dont think anyone I know can find this blog so it will be okay.

I'm trying not to sensor my posts...I want it to be interesting! This is impossible for me b/c naturally I think things like...What if I ever need a top secret security clearance and the fact I have a blog causes them to deny me! These are the types of thoughts that go through my head.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about how who you spend time with is kind of, who you are! That's not a very good way to say it. What I mean is, if you hang out with a bunch of extremely conservative people, you may end up being extremely conservative. I AM very conservative and I tend to be pretty reserved and a very rigid thinker as well. I am a black and white, all or nothing thinker. And of course, I tend to be drawn to people like this. OC's UNITE! (Obsessive Compulsives UNITE!) But I believe it's important to spend time with all types of people...maybe I need to spend some time with friends who when they talk I think, "WOAH, I can't believe they just said that!!!" Because I need to losen up just a little :) I strive to get to the point where I can not only listen to this fun talk without turning red and giggling...but where I can actually chime in! :) How freeing to not worry about what people will think! For any of my OCD friends and for any of my friends who also turn red and giggle when they happen in on a conversation like this...I also want to spend more time with you :) BUT---for anyone out there, and there are some, who really CANNOT talk about what is on their mind, in fear of ruffeling a feather...come on!!! That's boring!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm in the middle of a job transition. I haven't told my current employer. Since I sell mortgages, I won't get paid unless I am employed when the loan funds. I need to wait until my last loan funds before giving notice...HOPEFULLY (Crossing Fingers!!!), I can give my notice by July 13th!Praying. I will start work with the government starting July 20th. Now this will be a completely different world and definitely slower than what I do now...But I would like something less stressful. Can't wait to have my weekends off!

I want this blog to be a place where I can dump my random ruminations! Enjoy.