The Angry Mom Blog

Someone said I should title my blog "The Angry Mom Blog" since I tend to only write it in when something is bothering me.

It's been too long.  I miss you blog!!!  I was thinking of taking a creative writing class...maybe something online...then I was like, why not just write in my blog? 

Where do I BEGIN?

Let's see...I'm having an extremely hard time figuring out who the new "me" is.  What I mean is, I'm having an identity crisis!  I've always been somewhat of an "all or nothing" person meaning I do what I do really well or don't do it at all.  I'm finding that as a mom, that's impossible.  I can't be a superstar at work because well, frankly, I'm not willing to work a minute past 3:30.  My hours are from 7:00 am - 3:30 pm.  Jack's had some pretty big health issues (they seem big to me anyway) over the past five months and I've had to take a lot of time off work.  So I don't feel like a success at work.  At the same time, I don't feel like a success as a mom.  How am I a success?  I only see my son 2 hours each day before he goes to bed for the night.  I also feel like a failure as a friend...because I really can't do anything anymore.  I work full time and so the time I'm not working, I want and need to spend it with the fam.  So I feel just like...a failure.  This is dramatic and probably a very negative way of looking at it.  But I'm sure it will get better...I hope.

In other news, Jack is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cuteeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!  After two kidney infections, C. Diff, ear infections, reflux, colds, yada yada yada...he is finally feeling GOOD and just so cute and adorable and HAPPY.  Oh and for all you with easy babies, stop saying, "Oh my baby is so happy!"  GUHHHHHHHHHH that is so annoying to me.  Jack is NOT easy and pretty...tempermental...but I like to think he is so happy even though not easy.  I'm going to start saying, "Oh my baby is so SMART."  Difficult babies must be smart ;)

K I'm done.

Definition of Success

Today at work we had  this conference...and there was a motivational speaker.  He was pretty much your typical motivational speaker, speaking about the typical motivational speaker stuff.  He had everyone write down their definition of success and their definition of balance. I started feeling like, well I dont know what I define as success now.  In a way, I don't feel like a success at work and I don't feel like a success as a mom b/c I'm not doing either of them 100%.  At work, I can't really chase down any career aspirations b/c I want to keep a lower stress job that is more conducive to being a mother.  But at home, I am only home with Jack for 3-4 hours before he goes to bed each night during the week.  That's hardly being a really great mother.  So is it better to be not very good at anything you do or give up something so you can focus on one area of your life?  I don't know...but it sort of put me in a bad mood!

I also decided, I'm not going to this conference early.  No way!  I'll go when everyone else goes.  Originally the team lead wanted me there early to help set up...but I'll tell her to find someone else from our team to help.  Jack is getting to the point where he really prefers me (very satisfying haha!) and I want to be with him as much as I can.

I called the advice nurse tonigh b/c sometimes I wonder why Jack will wake up from an occasional nap screaming bloody murder...he goes from sleeping to screaming.  MOST naps he wakes up and just gives out a little cry to let me know he's awake and ready for me to come get him.  SOME naps he just screamsssssssss!!!  So I asked, "How do I know something isn't wrong?"  She was like, Lauren...by now we know...well, I dont know how else to say...your son is high maitenance.  He isn't afraid to let you know when something, anything, is bothering him.  He could be waking up and just possibly a little disoriented...or just wants you to pick him up RIGHT NOW.  I was like, I know...he really is very high maitenance.  Sometimes I need that reminder.  I need to remember to not get so stressed wondering, what's wrong now?  She told me her third child NEVER ever cried...to the point where he one day cried, so she took him to the doctor immediately, and he turned out to be extremely extremely ill...but never let on until after he had been really sick for a long time.  My son lets me know if the wind blew his hair in the wrong direction.  But you know...that makes him EXACTLY like me.  If he doesn't look like me, I guess I am happy he acts like me  :)

Tonight John and I took him to the pool.  I've gone a few times with him but I get sort of nervous b/c I'm with him by myself and can't get into the big pool with him since there are no stairs (only the metal ones) making it hard to get in with him in my arms.  Since John was there, we all three could get into the main pool together...Jack loveeeeeeeeeeed it.  John helped him kick and Jack even put his face under (oops...this wasn't purposeful)...but it didn't phase him.  It was so adorable.  It wore Jack out and as soon as we got home, I gave him a warm bath, oiled him up, fed him, and he was out like a light by 7:00.  Really nice family introduced themselves to us at the pool.

HEre is a picture of Jack and me at my parents house over the weekend for Allison and Greg's baby shower.  At first I didn't like the picture of me but now I love this picture of us.