Tired

First, I want to post a picture of Sarah, Bastian, Jack and me.  (Sorry if my grammar is wrong in that sentence...I always hate it when people say for example, "John and me went to the grocery store..." instead of "John and I went to the grocery store."  Would you say, "ME went to the grocery store?"  No...NO you wouldn't!  So why would you say "So-and-so and ME went/did/whatever anything!"  Ahh I HATE that!  Anyway I digress...)

Sarah and I went walkng the other day...we'd been meaning to get pictures of us and the BOB's for awhile...we finally did!  I had to get the Cutco knife representative I'd been suckered into letting come over to take the picture for us since John wasn't home.  I also had to whip out a boob and feed Jack in the middle of her presentation.  Just kidding...I used the Hooter Hider.  But I did acknowledge to her that it was probably a strange presentation for her...and I did buy knives.  So hopefully she thought it was worth it.  Here are the pics...I look terrible but they are cute, nonetheless.  Jack and Bastian have both graduated from the infant car seat adapter!

I'm having a rough day.  I'm exhausted...last night we went to dinner and even though we tried to get home before Jack's bedtime and with enough time to go through the routine, it took Jack out of his normal routine and he was extremely difficult.  Because he got to bed maybe 15 minutes later than he ever does (8:15), he didn't sleep as well as he normally does and woke up earlier than he usually does (5:00 AM).  I know I'm lucky to have a baby that sleeps so long but I'M STILL GOING TO COMPLAIN!!!!!!!  Please don't say, "Oh wow you're lucky! Who cares that Jack doesn't sleep well during the day?"  I DO, okay!?!  I care.  It's completely exhausting.  I'm caring more and more with each day that passes.  Way back when, when Jack was two weeks old, I had to let him cry one night so that he would learn to sleep in the crib.  It really only took that one night...sometimes I still feel guilty about ever letting him "cry it out" but I had to, I was about to fall apart and I didn't want his first word to be the F word which he was hearing a lot of since he would only sleep on my chest and was waking up like every HOUR.  (I don't promote cussing...just sayin...I was hardly hanging on.)  Well, during the days I felt like I should roll with the punches.  And the doctor said that until  he were four months old, try to just deal with it during the day.  Which I totally did.  But now, I seriously am about to freak OUT.  Its like, JACK...what the #(*&#(&@????  What is this about?  He wakes up after 30-45 minutes of each nap and then needs to go down again after another hour.  We can't go ANYWHERE.  If we do, he wont sleep and is a mess.  I want a routine!  Where is the routine?  I write down everything he does and then study it, searching desperately for any sign that a routine may be emerging.  But no!  I never see the signs.  He still SUCKS at naps and I'm going crazy!  I can't deal with his CONSTANT fussing all day long, since he is never really fully rested except for first thing in the morning after his 10-11 hour sleep that night.  I'm trying to tell Jack he is looking less and less cute the longer this goes on but he doesn't seem to care?  So he is over four months old now and that's when they say you may need to let the babies cry a little more...but I just can't do it...and believe it or not...he really knows how to get me to jump.  My mom made me wait three minutes before I'd respond to him freaking out one day.  He was just sitting there on my lap and started freakin b/c my mom and I were having a conversation, and not focused on only him.  He DEMANDS attention and just lost it.  So I started entertaining him and doing what I do and my mom said, NO...do not respond to this...I'm setting my watch for three minutes and you have to have a conversation with me while he cries...don't even look at him.  I was like, I can't doooooooooooo itttttttttttt!!!  But I tried and two minutes later, less than three, he quit crying so I started paying attention to him again.  But I feel like I'm getting bossed around by this little guy!  My mom said when I was little, after a meltdown at the pediatrician, the doctor told her to read the book by Dobson on how to raise a strong willed child.  And I really think I have a mini-version of myself on my hands.  John was like, why...WHYYYYYYYY?????  We're so exhausted...today was a long day.  We wanted to go to the farmers market but didn't even make it out of the neighborhood...Jack had already started crying and I couldn't take it anymore.  We pulled a u-turn and went back home.  Anyway, just had to vent.

More to write but I'm too tired.