Confusion!

I’ve been reading more of “The Milk Memos”. Basically, it’s a bunch of letters some women at IBM exchanged in their lactation room while pumping. They didn’t know each other but started writing in this notebook that was sitting on the table while they pumped. They’re all different with different view points and opinions but majority of the women, wish they would not have to work. It makes me think, does it make you a “bad mom” if you work by choice? I know “bad mom” is a little dramatic, but do you know what I mean? I think that if I really wanted to stay home, we could make it work…but I’ve always enjoyed working. I like the interactions I get with coworkers and the stimulation I get from the work. In addition, I like to spend money! I’ve always liked spending money! I like nice things! Do you watch Modern Family? There is an episode where the father impulsively quits his job as a lawyer and goes home to tell his partner, who is a stay at home dad to their adopted daughter. The stay at home dad freaks a little because he is like, “but I like nice things!” You probably have to watch it to think that’s funny but it is HILARIOUS and I really related to that. ANYway, I have all these ideas in my head…first and foremost…new kitchen! If I didn’t work, I would have to make do with what we have. Sure, that’s not the end of the world but I think its fun to earn money and then develop a plan to save it and spend it to reach our goals. I really love dealing with finances and get a lot of satisfaction from paying the bills.

On the other hand, I hate leaving Jack! I spend alllllll of my waking moments with him when I am home since I miss so much time with him during the week. I don’t WANT him to get used to being with someone else during the day and I don’t want to miss any of his milestones either! So clearly, I want the best of both worlds. My old job was super flexible b/c I was 100% commission. I loved the job but the stress was so high that I knew it would be hard to be a good mom…I was so distracted all the time. Hmm…I have zero clarity on this issue so until I do, guess I'll keep doing what I'm doing.

In other news, I just pumped 16.25 oz in 15 minutes(ish). Is this crazy? That’s more than a soda I think! Possibly a soda and a half.  Does my body think I have twins? Gosh!

I’m missing Jack a lot today.