Thoughts...

Meant to post this yesterday...wrote it at lunch.

I think one of the hard things about being a working mom is that since you miss out on so much time during the day, you don’t want to miss a second with your baby when you’re home. We have lots of people willing to babysit but I don’t want to go anywhere without him. At the same time, I miss my favorite restaurants, long shopping trips, and movies! Heck, I even miss watching movies at home…I’m too tired to stay up that much longer after he’s gone to bed!

It’s so hard to be productive and focused at work after ten weeks off. This week there is an agency convention type thing down in Florida…so half the office is there…very quiet around here. Nice week to get started…on the other hand, a little too quiet…easy to be too relaxed.

I finally have a room to pump in so I don’t have to squat on an open toilet on the first floor. I was going to the first floor so that no one would know who it is pumping…I felt that would be akward. I think I make a ton more milk than Jack needs. I pumped 12, I repeat TWELVE ounces in 15 minutes this morning. I pump on average about 22 oz each day while I’m at work. Feed him myself before I leave for work in the morning. Get home from work at 4:00 and feed him once then and then whenever he wants until bed. I wonder how much is a normal amount to pump? I do this three times each day. I wonder how often others do? Maybe I should feel guilty for having to take this time off of work but I have not been taking lunch on many of the days so far…either that or I build one of the pumping sessions into my lunch.

I feel differently about working every day. One day I think, I really like this and am so glad to be back at work. The next I feel a little down all day long and feel I’m missing too much time with Jack. I noticed Jack has not been very smiley this week. I thought maybe he is under the weather…now I’m thinking…maybe he is adjusting to me being gone all day? I miss him a lot. The other thing is, since I get home at 4:00, I miss a lot of the day. If he is not smiley when I get home, I don’t really know why. When I was home with him all day, I’d know it was maybe b/c he didn’t take naps…or whatever!

Once John goes back to work in another week, his mother will be watching Jack. This was the best I thought, to keep him in family care until the three month mark. John’s mom took off an entire week to help us. Now I wonder if it would make me AND Jack feel better just to start with the babysitter and get settled in his long term routine. I just don’t know though b/c I think Johns mom already has requested the time off. It is a good chance for Johns mom and Jack to bond though.

I’m pretty sure we’re going to join the pool this summer! We have two pools within a couple of miles of us…I think I chose which one I want to go to. I just think it would be really fun to go to the pool with Jack after work for a couple hours a few nights each week, considering how much he loves the water! I already bought him swim diapers.